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Your Emotional Wardrobe
Sometimes I ask my groups when we talk about changing behaviours to get the best from ourselves and from others “Why aren’t you wearing the clothes you wore when you were a little person of 4, 5 or 6?” Usually I’m met with bemused expressions. Responses can range from “Well they don’t fit any more” or “I’ve grown out of them” or “I’d look silly.”
In a mischievous follow up question I ask with a smile “Then why are you still wearing the emotional clothes that fitted at that time, now, as you interact with your clients?”
So as you’re reading this looking down at what you’re wearing now and bringing to mind which business clients you’ll be seeing today just start thinking to yourself “Am I wearing the most appropriate clothes? I would suggest you probably are on the ‘outside.’ What about on the ‘inside’?
Interesting concept isn’t it?
Sometimes at this point (and you’ll need to engage Right Brain for this) I use the analogy of the messages we received when we were growing up (especially in our formative years) and compare it with birds feeding their offspring. I haven’t yet heard of a fledgling remonstrating with its mum and dad about the levels of cholesterol in the last worm it was offered. Or heard it dispute the way it is disciplined by suggesting its mum use Maslow instead of Berne to motivate it to fly. Have you?
What I mean is we believe everything we are told at this tender age and those messages have followed us, usually unchecked into adulthood. They become our limiting beliefs at the powerful level of Identity, and so we proceed to act out them out in business, helpful or otherwise. This may be at meetings, during networking, negotiating our prices, presenting our products or services or handling difficult situations and clients. We behave within the limitations of our ‘Parent Tapes’ as Eric Berne and others would suggest.
So when we find ourselves, for example, sitting around a meeting table, ‘looking the biz’ on the outside, take a quiet moment, ask yourself am I ‘looking the biz’ from the inside or am I unaware of the old clothes I haven’t yet discarded ? Ask yourself:
Am I acting out my Script? (A life plan developed in early childhood which directs the individual’s behaviour)
Am I using unconscious ‘don’t ‘ messages:
- Don’t ask questions or I’ll look stupid
- Don’t say no and so you find yourself automatically accepting extra work although you’re really struggling to cope as it is?
- Do I hesitate to offer a different perspective? (scared people might knock it down and I appear foolish)
- Do I avoid conflict at all costs? (Handled carefully and skilfully conflict can be very healthy for a business)
- Do I always put my needs last? (I don’t value myself much)
- Better not say how I feel or it might upset someone (I’m a pushover)
- Do I leave a meeting wishing I’d said/done something I knew would have been helpful?
- It’s rude to talk at the same time as someone else (means you’ll never get to say anything!)
……the list is endless.
Ask yourself as you’re sitting there reading this and thinking , what would people like Trinnie and Susanne or more recently Gok have to say about your wardrobe, the Emotional one that is?
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Meet the team…
You may have gathered that my training is unique and it sticks! I have a number of mischievous friends who help me, hover over the photos and get introduced….
Loved your article! It really is food for thought. Rachel x
Hi Rachel!
Thanks for your comment. So pleased that it made you think! We often don’t do enough and take time to take care of ourselves. Warmest wishes Kate
Another thought-provoking post Kate.
Need to check out my wardrobe, and maybe go shopping!
Only buy yourself the best Graham. Designer label and custom fitted and perfectly matched to each occasion! Kate x
*LOVE* it Kate, as always – I now have an excuse for a change of wardrobe in all sense of the word
Go for it lovely lady and make sure you head for the exclusive designer boutiques xx
Dress the part act the part!
Clothes and your appearance can be very deceptive to others but also can affect how you feel too. Go on get the clothes out that you save for best and wear them with pride!
Absolutely Kat!Powerful stuff. Great to hear from you. Speak soon I hope Kate xx
Another really great,thought provoking blog Kate, well done.
I actually wouldn’t bother what Trin & Sus think – I don’t like them.
I’d pay attention to what you say though.
Derek x
Derek your comments are hugely important to me. Bless you as always Kate xx